Testing times

Well, tonight is the night of my exam.
For those of you interested in my curricular pursuits, this is the website http://www.thekennelclub.org.uk/dogtraining, and under the 'bronze' award is the very long list of achievements I need to pass to make it through to 'silver'. Frankly I think I should have been fast-tracked to gold, myself. Why waste this brain and talent treading water with the mediocre awards when I could be at the top?
Yesterday (1 March) was my first birthday, (same day as Justin Bieber!) and I marked the occasion in the manner I mark all days, with great joy and much enthusiasm. I do think birthdays are overrated, but I'm quite surprised that there was no cake waiting for me. Still, I did get a ball with a rope attached to it which I have now destroyed, so it wasn't all bad.

Naturally I've been practicing hard for my exam, and I know the owners are keen for me to pass. Maybe they get some kind of monetary reward if I do? I feel this exam is akin to the eleven-plus, or even Oxbridge entry, to them. Apparently I need to be able to sit, stay, roll over (fat chance) and be able to walk on a lead without being the boss. Frankly, although I have confidence, I'm concerned about the last one. How can anyone be expected to trot along on a lead when there are so many exciting things for me to chase after? Obviously no-one likes to be catapulted into the air, trailing in my wake, but maybe we could reach a compromise. I also need to be able to stop if I am running away, and cease my love of jumping up at people. Especially old people. Apparently leaping up at someone who has just had a hip operation is unacceptable.
Education aside, what else have I been up to? I had an enjoyable stay in the kennels, where I especially like the heated blankets provided, and today I'm off for a long walk with my BFFs, which I believe is a very transparent ruse to tire me out in the hopes I'll be more compliant this evening if I don't have as much energy, but never mind. Other than that, not much has been happening. I'm still pottering around the office, stealing pens and sometimes drinking their tea when they're not looking, and trying to get a grasp of what this licensing business is all about. No-one seems to have a definitive answer for me, but maybe once I pass my exam then I will be promoted. I might even try and become a brand myself. I don't think there are enough dog-properties out there, frankly. Especially not around a breed of my fine-standing. I wonder if the Queen started to house flat-coated retrievers as well as those silly Corgis, I might get an invitation to the wedding? Maybe not, although I suspect I would get on very well with Prince Phillip. And maybe Fergie.
Anyway, I'm off to chomp on a nice bone now, then a walk, then the exam. Wish me luck... although I suspect I won't need it. One look into these big brown eyes and no-one's going to stamp 'failure' on my sheet!!