Still, here I am. Fresh out of big chunky bones for the minute, let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I was born into a fairly average family of eight brothers and one sister near a place called 'Bedgebury', and until I was about six weeks old, jockeying for position of top dog was pretty hard. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed their company, but sharing a basket with nine similarly sized puppies could get pretty tiresome, and I looked forward to the day I would be whisked away by some loving owners as I had seen happen to my sister.Anyway, one day these funny looking people arrived with the lady who fed us, and peered down into the large cage where we were of course all barking and trying to get their attention. I overheard them saying they wanted a 'bitch', which seemed a bit rude, so naturally I gave them the full effect of my big brown eyes and delightfully fluffy coat, which worked out very well as one of them picked me up and made a lot of 'ooh' and 'aahh' noises and gave me a lot of fuss.The next thing I knew, a few days later I was being put in this big noisy metal thing which I later learned was called a 'car' and was speeding away to my new home.
Of course, being an attractive young puppy had many benefits. These being chiefly, food and fuss. I was paraded amongst their friends and family members like I was the next in line to the throne - naturally - and I was given a jaunty red collar which matched my black fur very nicely. The only downside was that they put me in this strange sort of cage at nighttime, but I soon learned that if I made enough noise, and acted as if I was getting too big for it, they would soon see the error of their ways. I still haven't quite made it to my rightful position of nighttime sleeping in the middle of the king-sized bed upstairs, but give me time - I'm only young.
Anyway - I digress. These lovely people worked in what I soon learned was an office. This is a very fun place with a multitude of wires, cardboard and paper for me to munch upon, which I began doing immediately, to moderate success. I, being a very fast learner, soon found out that if I didn't fancy walking up and down the stairs to the office, one of my new masters would carry me up and down, as I placed my paws over his shoulder and allowed my head to nod with the stepping motion, looking every inch the satisfied dog that I am. Sadly, this ended as I grew bigger and a visit to someone called a 'chiropractor' occurred.
As the weeks flew by, I of course came to know my new owners and the other people that worked in the office very well. It appeared that they were just as excited by meal times as I - at the mere mention of the 'Sandwich Van', whatever that is, they throw whatever they're doing in the air and run downstairs waving five pound notes and discussing the merits of BLT versus chicken & sweetcorn whilst elbowing the people who work in the other offices out of the way.
Of course, as I am now nearly eleven months, I'm not as crazy as I used to be - I sleep for a couple of hours, and then generally have a rummage in the bin to find something good like an old tea bag or something else that I can rip up in seconds. One of my favourite games is to surreptitiously creep up to one of their desks, steal an important document/a pen/a stapler/a holepunch/a diary/an iPhone, and make them all run after me while I demonstrate to them all just how quick I really am. I know they really enjoy it too - in my limited understanding of the funny language they speak, I am fairly sure that being bright red in the face and shouting 'That bloody dog!' over and over is how they express enthusiasm for a task.
One of the ladies who works at the office has professed a dislike for dogs, which is a shame. Naturally, she just hasn't had a chance to bond with me yet, which is why, when I know she is coming, I wait downstairs for her by the door, and jump up at her when she opens it so that my face is the first thing she sees when she arrives. What a laugh she has as she screams and runs up the stairs away from me!
Still, sometimes they take me to a big lake or pond, which naturally I try and please them by running into immediately, often dragging them in with me as they haven't had a chance to let me off the lead, and then shaking the freezing muddy water all over then. How they laugh!Of course, education is very important in any dog's life, which is why they've started taking me to something called 'training classes', although what I need to be trained in, I can't imagine. It's a great evening with all my favourite friends including Molly, a golden version of me, Jago the Boxer and Oscar the Black Labrador. But don't let it sound like I only hang out with pedigrees - there are loads of others at the class of questionable heritage who I also enjoy the company of. I am not sure the half-shaved Chihuahua enjoys when I accidentally swipe him with my impressively large and furry paws, but hey ho.
At these classes, bafflingly, we have to sit still for one minute while our masters WALK AWAY WITH A TREAT. This is very hard, of course, but I am determined to do well. I have managed about twenty seconds so far, but like I said, I'm less than a year old, and I always get the treat anyway so I must be doing well.
Two of my bestest friends are a female version of me, Nelly and Tui, who are a bit older but who are teaching me everything they know about stealing food. Sometimes I go to their house, where once they dared me to steal a while fillet steak - of course, I'm never one to back down from a dare, even though I was the only one who got shouted at - still, I got to eat the whole thing before I was even found out so it was a happy day.
Mainly I love getting a reaction. The other day, at home, when they were watching something very loud and shouty called 'Eastenders', I thought it would be funny to get my front paws up on the work surface and pull a knife out of the knife block, which was right at the back so it was no easy task, and bring it in and show it to them. Anyone would think I was a serial killer or something, as I appeared with the knife dangling from my mouth - how we laughed as they chased me round and round the dining table!
Anyway, so that's a brief introduction to me and my life so far. Apparently here in the office they publish magazines, (great for chewing) about something called 'licensing', which I assumed must be something to do with alcoholic drinks, until I see all the stuffed toys and other plastic things that they get sent (even better for chewing), and I think I'm beginning to get the hang of it. My favourites so far have been Peppa Pig and a Zhu Zhu Pet.
I'll keep you up to date as life continues and I begin to understand this 'licensing' business.
Till then,
Best wishes and namaste,
Ollie.
Of course, being an attractive young puppy had many benefits. These being chiefly, food and fuss. I was paraded amongst their friends and family members like I was the next in line to the throne - naturally - and I was given a jaunty red collar which matched my black fur very nicely. The only downside was that they put me in this strange sort of cage at nighttime, but I soon learned that if I made enough noise, and acted as if I was getting too big for it, they would soon see the error of their ways. I still haven't quite made it to my rightful position of nighttime sleeping in the middle of the king-sized bed upstairs, but give me time - I'm only young. Anyway - I digress. These lovely people worked in what I soon learned was an office. This is a very fun place with a multitude of wires, cardboard and paper for me to munch upon, which I began doing immediately, to moderate success. I, being a very fast learner, soon found out that if I didn't fancy walking up and down the stairs to the office, one of my new masters would carry me up and down, as I placed my paws over his shoulder and allowed my head to nod with the stepping motion, looking every inch the satisfied dog that I am. Sadly, this ended as I grew bigger and a visit to someone called a 'chiropractor' occurred.
As the weeks flew by, I of course came to know my new owners and the other people that worked in the office very well. It appeared that they were just as excited by meal times as I - at the mere mention of the 'Sandwich Van', whatever that is, they throw whatever they're doing in the air and run downstairs waving five pound notes and discussing the merits of BLT versus chicken & sweetcorn whilst elbowing the people who work in the other offices out of the way. 
Of course, it's not all office work. I enjoy many long walks and romps in nearby fields - however, embarrassingly, they've set me up with one of those 'flashing collars' and throw a 'flashing ball' for me, which means they can see me in the dark, but really hinders my chances with the little poodle from down the road quite a lot.
Still, sometimes they take me to a big lake or pond, which naturally I try and please them by running into immediately, often dragging them in with me as they haven't had a chance to let me off the lead, and then shaking the freezing muddy water all over then. How they laugh!
Two of my bestest friends are a female version of me, Nelly and Tui, who are a bit older but who are teaching me everything they know about stealing food. Sometimes I go to their house, where once they dared me to steal a while fillet steak - of course, I'm never one to back down from a dare, even though I was the only one who got shouted at - still, I got to eat the whole thing before I was even found out so it was a happy day.
Mainly I love getting a reaction. The other day, at home, when they were watching something very loud and shouty called 'Eastenders', I thought it would be funny to get my front paws up on the work surface and pull a knife out of the knife block, which was right at the back so it was no easy task, and bring it in and show it to them. Anyone would think I was a serial killer or something, as I appeared with the knife dangling from my mouth - how we laughed as they chased me round and round the dining table!Anyway, so that's a brief introduction to me and my life so far. Apparently here in the office they publish magazines, (great for chewing) about something called 'licensing', which I assumed must be something to do with alcoholic drinks, until I see all the stuffed toys and other plastic things that they get sent (even better for chewing), and I think I'm beginning to get the hang of it. My favourites so far have been Peppa Pig and a Zhu Zhu Pet.
I'll keep you up to date as life continues and I begin to understand this 'licensing' business.
Till then,
Best wishes and namaste,
Ollie.
